Today is Good Friday. I admit to being a little lax in acknowledging the significance of the day in the recent past. I used to be a really strong believer in the Catholic faith, and I still am in many respects.
The Catholic church has given me a strong moral basis for my life. I was brought up to treat others with respect, to accept others' differences, to honor your parents, to forgive when you feel like revenge is justified, and to love God.
When I was very young, I blindly followed the teachings of the Church. As time wore on and I realized that the Church was not exactly supportive of Gay people, I had to readjust my thinking a bit. I realized that the Church was led by men and therefore was subject to human failing. I also realized that God created me the way that I am. No one, not even the Catholic Church, can tell me that I have no value or that I am immoral and going to hell because of who I choose to love.
I went through stages of self-loathing, thoughts of suicide, and maybe trying to be "normal" by getting married. I'm not sure where the turning point was that I finally accepted who I was and decided that I was a pretty good guy in general. I do have my flaws--we all do.
I think the one thing I worried about most was whether my Mother and Father would accept me as a Gay person. In their way, they did accept me. I'm not sure they ever accepted the Gay part, but they loved me for who I am. Dad didn't speak to me for a couple of weeks after he found out and then he gradually decided I was still his son and that he loved me.
Mom struggled with it most of the time. She told me she blamed herself in some way. She wasn't sure what mistake she had made that made me the way I was. I told her that God made me the way I am. I told her that she raised all of her kids the same way, and to my knowledge none of the others were Gay. I jokingly said that maybe Gay people were God's way of natural birth control. Bottom line, she loved me as much as she loved any of her children. My parents were true believers in unconditional love.
On this Good Friday I remember all the reverence my Mother attributed to this Holy Day and I try to continue that tradition of reverence by maintaining an hour of silence from Noon until 1:00--symbolic of the time that Jesus died on the cross. I also will Fast and Abstain according to the Church's teachings. I love the fact that I can honor my parents by respecting their traditions and beliefs and practicing the faith that I was brought up in. I thank God for my family, friends, and for my life. Without them, I would not be the caring, loving, accepting individual that I am today.
Happy Easter Everyone!
