When I was growing up, my family meant everything to me. We were all close, cared about one another, and had each other's backs.
Something changed in recent years. The relationship with my family that were Trump supporters seemed to become more and more strained. As time went on before the 2016 and 2020 election, I noticed that some family members would post misinformation on Facebook that I would politely note was not true, was misconstrued, or taken out of context. I was respectful with my replies and provided reliable sources that explained why the post was incorrect. Eventually, some members of my family unfriended me on Facebook, which was okay.
Maybe I should have just left all of the lies alone, but I wasn't raised that way. Lying was punished and truth was always what we were taught to be important and moral. My job for over 30 years was researching, fact checking, and writing. Also, being a kid from the 60s revolution period, I felt morally responsible to point out lies, especially when they were used to destroy another person's reputation. Mom once told me that she didn't like gossip (not sure what we were talking about at the time) and that destroying someone's reputation through lies and half-truths was one of the worst things that a human being could do to another.
So, the night of the 2020 election, my sister calls, who is out-of-control upset about Biden winning the election. She launched into an angry tirade about me betraying her, voting for a guy whose party platform contained Pro-Choice language, and generally spouted Trump-based talking points that I'd seen on social media by many other Trump supporters that usually had no basis in fact. She continued with how much I hated her parish priest (I didn't, but knew he was homophobic and racist). Also, I had never actually come out and stated that I voted for Biden. She and others pretty much figured out that if I was shooting down lies that were being posted (some were left-wing lies but most right-wing), that I voted for Biden.
In an effort to get a word in edgewise during her tirade, I mentioned that Mom and Dad often didn't agree on who to vote for. Mom always voted for the platform that had anti-abortion language in it, Dad voted for the person. My sister replied, angrily, that Dad would never vote for Biden. I replied calmly with, Dad would never vote for Trump as immoral as he was. My sister angrily replied, Then Dad wouldn't have voted. I replied with, "Maybe he wouldn't." I left it at that, and she continued on with more ranting, while I waited for her to run out of rage. Before that happened, she hung up on me.
After a period of time went by and my sister and I had not spoken, I hear from another brother that my sister is upset because I haven't contacted her since she had Covid. I saw that she and another brother had posted that they were through with anyone that didn't vote for Trump. I sent a letter to her asking where we go from what happened on election night. I told her she can't have it both ways--wanting me to stay in touch and wanting nothing to do with me. We agreed to meet and discuss what had happened with the guarantee that no politics would be brought up. She had just walked into the restaurant and before sitting down announced, "I don't apologize for anything I said. I do apologize for hanging up on you." I thought that this was not a great start. She then brought up politics four times during the lunch. I politely listened, diplomatically pointed out when she said something that was not quite accurate, and parted ways with our family signature, "I love you." We both agreed that talking about politics was a no no in the family and that it would not happen again.
So on May 14, 2021, I get a very disturbing and equally unhinged Instant Message from my older brother. Evidently my sister, who vowed not to talk politics with family, had contacted him after our meeting and told him that I said Dad would have voted for Biden--at least that's what her takeaway was from the November 3 call. Again, I never said that. My sister evidently thought that lie was worth sharing with him, which she obviously went out of her way to tell him. So much for not talking politics. So my brother sends me the following (the all caps are his):
AS STUPID AS YOU ARE, DO NOT EVER SAY MY FATHER WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR BIDEN. WHEN CLINTON WAS IN OFFICE, HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER VOTE FOR A DEMONCRAT AGAIN.YOU ARE PATHETIC. YOU BETTER HOPE , YOU NEVER RUN YOUR MOUTH ABOUT MY FATHER AGAIN OR I WILL BE UP TO SEE YOU. I SUPPOSE TRUMP WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE , IF HE WAS DATING THE BOYS. YOU HAD BETTER STAY AWAY FROM ME.
I was pretty much speechless. How had our family lost our love for each other and put someone like Trump before family? My head is still reeling. I've decided that I will no longer allow myself to be a target for the Trump side of the family's rage. In hindsight, I probably should've just left the lies alone. Unfortunately, that's not my nature.
So, though my heart is broken that the family has descended into the Trump supporters versus mostly me, I won't allow myself to be put in a position for them to vent their frustration, rage, anger, homophobia, or whatever Trump has programmed them to believe. Trump has truly brought out the negativity and division in everyone he touches, and sadly that includes my family. It is ironic that my brother threw in the homophobic dig at the end when the person he voted for is currently in litigation, along with Jeffrey Epstein, for sex with a minor. I guess that's okay with my brother.
https://cdn.factcheck.org/UploadedFiles/Johnson_TrumpEpstein_Lawsuit.pdf
Bottom line, I no longer feel safe around some members of my family. I know the brother that Instant Messaged me carries a loaded gun with him at all times. I know he is also inclined to rage at times. My sister evidently has decided to continue her campaign to alienate me from the rest of the family. It's the only conclusion I can see for why she would contact my brother and get him inflamed with political issues directed at me.
I will, sadly, be taking a break from my family for awhile. I love them all dearly and cherish all the memories of growing up together, family reunions, and occasional get togethers. It just seems that, in the current family environment, Trump has emboldened them to show how they really feel about me and, evidently, it's hate and disgust.
UPDATE: In 2022, I attended the family reunion in Seville, Ohio. I figured the venue, my oldest brother's house, was big enough and open enough that I could avoid my sister and older brother. The reunion was going fine. I got to spend time with most of my family, including new nieces, nephews, great nieces, and great nephews. Had many laughs and shared some great memories.
On the second evening of the reunion, the evening before we left the next day, I went to the outdoor pavilion where my sister-in-law was cleaning up the area after the festivities of the day. I wanted to thank her for providing the family with such a good time and providing food and drinks for everyone.
When I entered and thanked her, she very seriously said she wanted to talk. Her youngest son was nearby and told her to "stay in your lane" because he evidently knew what was coming. She literally screamed at him to get out. I was shocked that she seemed a little unhinged. My nephew said, "Sorry. I tried," and walked off. My sister-in-law started off with screaming at me, "YOU HURT YOUR SISTER! with a rage that I had never seen in her. When I recovered from the shock of being screamed at, I asked calmly, "How did I hurt my sister?" Her reply again was, "YOU HURT YOUR SISTER! I again asked, "How did I hurt my sister?" She said, "I can't say." I was in shock. She was so enraged about something my sister had said to her but was sworn to secrecy by my her (I later found out from another family member that it was something so ridiculous that all I could think of was how petty and small my sister and sister-in-law were). What she was angry about was more about her mutual sisterhood with my sister as a fellow Trump supporter.
Although I was promised that neither politics nor drama would be tolerated by the hosts, my sister-in-law concluded the conversation with, "I can't stand Biden." I think that was the bottom line to her anger and it being directed at someone (me)--i.e., that Trump had validated their justification for hating me (as a Gay man).
I have decided that I can't make myself vulnerable to the Trump cult of hate that exists in a family that I thought was all about love, acceptance, and caring. I will not be attending any family reunions or functions that require interacting with my siblings. It isn't good for my mental health, and I won't tolerate being treated like I'm the enemy.
I have never attacked any of the family members that thought it was okay to use me for their verbal punching bag. I have also never responded to any of the individuals involved. They are who they are and I can't fix their prejudices and hate. Only God can do that.
