Happy Father's Day 2023

 Although I miss my Dad every day, Father's Day makes the intensity of his loss even stronger. I sat in church yesterday thinking about the blessing the priest gave on all fathers living and deceased. It made me think of the times when the family would go to Mass en masse (fancy word for the large presence of my family), and what a solemn and respectful time it was.

Well, most of the time. I still remember sitting next to Dad in church when I was 7 or 8 and being somewhat bored but sitting quietly while the priest gave his sermon. Dad looked down at me and reached over to pick lint off my Sunday pants. Knowing how intensely ticklish I was, after he pretended to brush lint off a spot, he suddenly grabbed my knee, which made me burst out laughing as well as almost jump out of my seat. I looked up at Dad who put his index finger up to his lips to let me know to be quiet, all the while having a mischievous grin on his face.

There are so many things I admire about my Dad besides his dry sense of humor. His respect and love for my Mother, the quiet affection he gave to his kids, his empathy, and general morality of what is right and wrong. There are many examples of how Dad lived his life fostering the physical and spiritual well-being of his family and helping others. 

I know that his example (and Mom's) made me the person I am today. All because of being raised by an amazing Dad.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. Miss you every day.

Father's Day 2022

 This amazing man inspired me to be the best person I could be. His example of discipline, love, empathy, and caring gave me the basis for how I should live my life. I haven't done that perfectly, but who has, and Dad's shoes were big ones to fill.

He was a strong and quiet man but always tried to do the right thing. I'm not sure what brought up the one conversation we had, but Dad told me about defending a Black coworker friend that had shown up one evening to talk and have a beer. 

While they were sitting on the porch, Dad said a KKK member approached and demanded that the Black man go with him (referred to him in the typical KKK way). Dad told the KKK member that his friend was not going with him. The guy got angry and Dad finally picked up a bat and told the guy to get the he** out of there. The KKK guy fled.

Back in the 50s, there could be serious consequences from standing up to a KKK member. Dad did the right thing, and I was surprised I had never heard that story before. But, like I mentioned, he was a quiet man and always tried to do the right thing. I think my respect and love for him grew even a little more after hearing that.

I miss my Dad every day. I am grateful for the example he provided to me and serves me well to this day.

Happy Father's Day in heaven, Dad. I Love you!

Happy Birthday to My Wonderful Sister, Suzie, Who Passed Away in 1979 (March 2023 posting on FB)

 Today is my older sister, Suzie's birthday. She died in 1979 at the age of 34 leaving three beautiful daughters and a loving husband behind. This isn't the only day I remember her. I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about her

She was such a vibrant, caring, loving, smart, funny, and beautiful person. I was always flattered that she seemed to have a close connection to me in spite of our age differences.

She taught me how to dance when I was fairly little and took me to the local teen hangout to "show me off", which made me both embarrassed and proud.

When she had her kids--Amy, Theresa, and Christy--she had me babysit with them often, and those are some of my best memories of growing up. I felt honored that she and Jerry trusted me with such precious babies.

Suzie always looked out for me and there were few things that I didn't feel comfortable sharing with her. She never judged, and she offered her opinion only if asked. I appreciated that.

She had such style and grace in adversity and faced her Cancer diagnosis far better than I think I would have. She always smiled, was kind, and remained devout to her faith. I always admired her strength.

I think, most of all, I miss our conversations, our sharing funny stories, her laughter, her honesty, and her devotion to her family. There is an empty place in my heart where my sister used to be. She's still with me, but I selfishly would prefer being with her in person again and enjoying each other's company.

May she rest in God's eternal peace.

Happy Birthday, Suzie!

Mother's Day 2022

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom in heaven. She passed away in 2005 and not a day goes by that there isn't something that reminds me of her. If I'm having a particularly bad day, I just have to look at the picture of Mom and Dad and it seems to remind me of how much I was and am loved by them.

I really miss the heart to heart talks Mom and I used to have, how much fun she was to tease and to make her laugh. And her laugh was such a joyous thing that it always seemed like a gift whenever I heard it.

Mom always had strong opinions but she seemed to mellow some as she got older. There were times we disagreed about some things, but we settled into a pattern of agreeing to disagree and respecting each other's opinions. Not so much the case when I was in high school (I was wise beyond my years--or so I thought).

She was a great influence in my life. She taught me to care about everyone--young, old, all races, and all religions. Her basic belief was to treat others as you would treat yourself, no matter who that might be.

I'm not sure what she would think about the world we live in now. I think she would be shocked and dismayed at how selfish and self serving that a lot of people have become. There were a couple times, years ago, that she commented about maybe living too long to deal with changes that were happening in society. Hearing her say something like that made me panic a little bit inside. It may be selfish on my part, but I would give anything to have her in my life now.

Mom was such a wonderful example of what a person should be, and she lived her life loving and caring about all she came in contact with.

I strive every day to understand and accept people for who they are. Most of that open-mindedness is due to my Mom and Dad. I think it is one of the greatest gifts that she bestowed on me.

Love you, Mom! Happy Mother's Day!

Father's Day 2021 Tribute to My Dad

Happy Father's Day to my Dad in Heaven. Miss him every day. He accepted me for who I was, even though he didn't understand why I was "different." He was a strong, quiet, hard-working Father and his love for family was very important to him. He sometimes had trouble connecting with me and sometimes me with him. I regret the years that we both could've tried a little harder but, with Mom telling all of us that we need to express our love with a hug and the actual words, I actually got comfortable hugging my Dad. Thinking back, it was a little forced on both our parts at first. It was something that neither of us was used to and was a little awkward for awhile.

I think the ultimate honest expression was when I went to hug Dad before I left to return home one evening and he wrapped his arms around me and said, "I love you" and then continued to hold me even though I started to stand up to leave and he wouldn't let go. I settled into his hug for about a half minute and felt myself smiling and getting a little teary eyed.

I always knew my Dad loved me. I just wondered whether I had disappointed him. That hug and his words seemed to make all my doubts disappear.

I've heard stories about Dad's who had trouble expressing love and affection to their kids. Some of it was generational and some of it was just an inability to let themselves express what they actually always felt. I will always be grateful for that evening when my Dad embraced me and said the words, "I love you." It's probably the best gift he ever gave me--that and being my Dad.

Happy Father's Day Dad. I love you.

Trump's Culture of Hate and Division Destroyed My Once Close Family

 When I was growing up, my family meant everything to me. We were all close, cared about one another, and had each other's backs.

Something changed in recent years. The relationship with my family that were Trump supporters seemed to become more and more strained. As time went on before the 2016 and 2020 election, I noticed that some family members would post misinformation on Facebook that I would politely note was not true, was misconstrued, or taken out of context. I was respectful with my replies and provided reliable sources that explained why the post was incorrect. Eventually, some members of my family unfriended me on Facebook, which was okay.

Maybe I should have just left all of the lies alone, but I wasn't raised that way. Lying was punished and truth was always what we were taught to be important and moral. My job for over 30 years was researching, fact checking, and writing. Also, being a kid from the 60s revolution period, I felt morally responsible to point out lies, especially when they were used to destroy another person's reputation. Mom once told me that she didn't like gossip (not sure what we were talking about at the time) and that destroying someone's reputation through lies and half-truths was one of the worst things that a human being could do to another.

So, the night of the 2020 election, my sister calls, who is out-of-control upset about Biden winning the election. She launched into an angry tirade about me betraying her, voting for a guy whose party platform contained Pro-Choice language, and generally spouted Trump-based talking points that I'd seen on social media by many other Trump supporters that usually had no basis in fact. She continued with how much I hated her parish priest (I didn't, but knew he was homophobic and racist). Also, I had never actually come out and stated that I voted for Biden. She and others pretty much figured out that if I was shooting down lies that were being posted (some were left-wing lies but most right-wing), that I voted for Biden.

In an effort to get a word in edgewise during her tirade, I mentioned that Mom and Dad often didn't agree on who to vote for. Mom always voted for the platform that had anti-abortion language in it, Dad voted for the person. My sister replied, angrily, that Dad would never vote for Biden. I replied calmly with, Dad would never vote for Trump as immoral as he was. My sister angrily replied, Then Dad wouldn't have voted. I replied with, "Maybe he wouldn't." I left it at that, and she continued on with more ranting, while I waited for her to run out of rage. Before that happened, she hung up on me.

After a period of time went by and my sister and I had not spoken, I hear from another brother that my sister is upset because I haven't contacted her since she had Covid. I saw that she and another brother had posted that they were through with anyone that didn't vote for Trump. I sent a letter to her asking where we go from what happened on election night. I told her she can't have it both ways--wanting me to stay in touch and wanting nothing to do with me. We agreed to meet and discuss what had happened with the guarantee that no politics would be brought up. She had just walked into the restaurant and before sitting down announced, "I don't apologize for anything I said. I do apologize for hanging up on you." I thought that this was not a great start. She then brought up politics four times during the lunch. I politely listened, diplomatically pointed out when she said something that was not quite accurate, and parted ways with our family signature, "I love you." We both agreed that talking about politics was a no no in the family and that it would not happen again.

So on May 14, 2021, I get a very disturbing and equally unhinged Instant Message from my older brother. Evidently my sister, who vowed not to talk politics with family, had contacted him after our meeting and told him that I said Dad would have voted for Biden--at least that's what her takeaway was from the November 3 call. Again, I never said that. My sister evidently thought that lie was worth sharing with him, which she obviously went out of her way to tell him. So much for not talking politics. So my brother sends me the following (the all caps are his): 

AS STUPID AS YOU ARE, DO NOT EVER SAY MY FATHER WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR BIDEN. WHEN CLINTON WAS IN OFFICE, HE SAID HE WOULD NEVER VOTE FOR A DEMONCRAT AGAIN.YOU ARE PATHETIC. YOU BETTER HOPE , YOU NEVER RUN YOUR MOUTH ABOUT MY FATHER AGAIN OR I WILL BE UP TO SEE YOU. I SUPPOSE TRUMP WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE , IF HE WAS DATING THE BOYS. YOU HAD BETTER STAY AWAY FROM ME.

I was pretty much speechless. How had our family lost our love for each other and put someone like Trump before family? My head is still reeling. I've decided that I will no longer allow myself to be a target for the Trump side of the family's rage. In hindsight, I probably should've just left the lies alone. Unfortunately, that's not my nature.

So, though my heart is broken that the family has descended into the Trump supporters versus mostly me, I won't allow myself to be put in a position for them to vent their frustration, rage, anger, homophobia, or whatever Trump has programmed them to believe. Trump has truly brought out the negativity and division in everyone he touches, and sadly that includes my family. It is ironic that my brother threw in the homophobic dig at the end when the person he voted for is currently in litigation, along with Jeffrey Epstein, for sex with a minor. I guess that's okay with my brother.

https://cdn.factcheck.org/UploadedFiles/Johnson_TrumpEpstein_Lawsuit.pdf

Bottom line, I no longer feel safe around some members of my family. I know the brother that Instant Messaged me carries a loaded gun with him at all times. I know he is also inclined to rage at times. My sister evidently has decided to continue her campaign to alienate me from the rest of the family. It's the only conclusion I can see for why she would contact my brother and get him inflamed with political issues directed at me.

I will, sadly, be taking a break from my family for awhile. I love them all dearly and cherish all the memories of growing up together, family reunions, and occasional get togethers. It just seems that, in the current family environment, Trump has emboldened them to show how they really feel about me and, evidently, it's hate and disgust.

UPDATE: In 2022, I attended the family reunion in Seville, Ohio. I figured the venue, my oldest brother's house, was big enough and open enough that I could avoid my sister and older brother. The reunion was going fine. I got to spend time with most of my family, including new nieces, nephews, great nieces, and great nephews. Had many laughs and shared some great memories. 

On the second evening of the reunion, the evening before we left the next day, I went to the outdoor pavilion where my sister-in-law was cleaning up the area after the festivities of the day. I wanted to thank her for providing the family with such a good time and providing food and drinks for everyone.

When I entered and thanked her, she very seriously said she wanted to talk. Her youngest son was nearby and told her to "stay in your lane" because he evidently knew what was coming. She literally screamed at him to get out. I was shocked that she seemed a little unhinged. My nephew said, "Sorry. I tried," and walked off. My sister-in-law started off with screaming at me, "YOU HURT YOUR SISTER! with a rage that I had never seen in her. When I recovered from the shock of being screamed at, I asked calmly, "How did I hurt my sister?" Her reply again was, "YOU HURT YOUR SISTER! I again asked, "How did I hurt my sister?" She said, "I can't say." I was in shock. She was so enraged about something my sister had said to her but was sworn to secrecy by my her (I later found out from another family member that it was something so ridiculous that all I could think of was how petty and small my sister and sister-in-law were). What she was angry about was more about her mutual sisterhood with my sister as a fellow Trump supporter.

Although I was promised that neither politics nor drama would be tolerated by the hosts, my sister-in-law concluded the conversation with, "I can't stand Biden." I think that was the bottom line to her anger and it being directed at someone (me)--i.e., that Trump had validated their justification for hating me (as a Gay man).

I have decided that I can't make myself vulnerable to the Trump cult of hate that exists in a family that I thought was all about love, acceptance, and caring. I will not be attending any family reunions or functions that require interacting with my siblings. It isn't good for my mental health, and I won't tolerate being treated like I'm the enemy.

I have never attacked any of the family members that thought it was okay to use me for their verbal punching bag. I have also never responded to any of the individuals involved. They are who they are and I can't fix their prejudices and hate. Only God can do that.

Christmas 2020

This year has been a tumultuous year, to say the least. Between dealing with a pandemic and on-again, off-again regulations and the political divide of our country, it has been a year filled with anxiety and tension. I'm not expecting much from Christmas this year--similar to last year after my medical issues. For me it will be a season of isolation and reflection on Christmases past.

Looking at the Christmas decorations and the beautiful lights, I  think about family members who have passed away--Mom and Dad, Suzie David, and my wonderful sister-in-law Paula. I will always be grateful for their guidance, their compassion, their sense of decency, and their humor. Their examples have guided me during my life. Because of their example, I live every year thinking about how I can help others and doing the right thing. I know I have them to thank for all that I have.

My family is a lasting Christmas gift from God that makes me grateful for them, as well as my friends who are like family, and being able to live a life that is filled with love and understanding.